7 Insidious Dangers of Being a People Pleaser

Conflict is growth

Made by James Nelmondo with Canva

People pleasing is a survival strategy. The fewer threats we face, the greater our chance of gliding through life’s obstacles unmolested.

Except that’s almost exactly the opposite of what happens.

I’m here, with all my emotional baggage, to make the case that people pleasing leads to more conflict and pain than saying no ever will.

Table of Contents
  ∘ 1. We develop a distorted self-image
  ∘ 2. We develop weak personal boundaries 
  ∘ 3. We become targets for manipulation
  ∘ 4. Chronic self-sacrifice is viewed as dishonesty
  ∘ 5. We give too much of ourselves
  ∘ 6. Avoiding conflict means avoiding growth
  ∘ 7. We shouldn’t absolve others of their guilt
· Wrapping Up: How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

1. We develop a distorted self-image

In the world of people pleasing, our self-image depends on other people’s perception of who we are.

• If we are useful to others we have value.
• If we are treated poorly we must be deserving of punishment.
• If we keep failing it’s because we aren’t trying hard enough.
• If our partner cheats on us, it’s because we didn’t love them enough.